I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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