Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
