All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize