Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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