i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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