why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
