I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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