i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
wow bdsm is so cute
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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