did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
