saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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