So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
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