I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
