I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
