Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
