the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
