how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
