I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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