I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
