ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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