i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
