Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Someone shit on the floor
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
