Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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