Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
