That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
where are my eyebrows?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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