you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
