Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize