remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The air was thick with penises
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize