he wants to bone in the snuggie
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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