You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
