Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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