Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
