Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
