you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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