Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
