Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
