Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
