i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
