She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
