very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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