Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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