Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
