Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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