you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
