Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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