Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
