I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
