hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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