did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
