He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
