I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
