So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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