My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
