from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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