Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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