I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
