Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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