Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i out mim tonsoeep
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