dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
