Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
