Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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