So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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