T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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