i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
