And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
