I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
