remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
