nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
40s are totally the cure
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
